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"She turned and walked to the front door. There she stopped for a moment, before turning back to me. Staring somewhere over my shoulder and off into the distance, she sighed, "Anyway, I haven't decided yet what I want to do, so there's no need to talk." With that she walked out the door.Ever since I had found the birth control pills and the partially used package of condoms I felt numb. I kept thinking that I should feel something more, maybe rage, anger or hurt, but I was only numb.I knew now that she was cheating on me. Why wasn't I reacting? Maybe it was because I could not seem to conclude a thought. Whenever I tried to think about what I had found out, one thought seemed to lead to another thought, then to another though, and so on. I could never come to a conclusion. It was also like this was happening to me, and not to me, but rather to some other person.I sat there drinking coffee until my cup was finished. Then I got up and called my office saying that I would not be in on. Steeling himself and taking a huge breath he reopened his door and ventured out into new, and for him, unchartered territory. But the hall was empty. She had obviously worked the lock and was now successfully within her new home. His newfound but fragile courage did not yet extend deep enough for him to take the next step and traverse down to knock on her door and offer himself up to her judgement. Having no desire to do anything at all now, he slipped back into his apartment to further castigate himself. For the next few days Sam’s emotions fluctuated between hope and terror. Hope that he might see her again, and terror that he would. In his heart he knew that he was being foolish. She probably wouldn’t remember either him or the incident, and even if she did it would likely be of no consequence to her. This didn’t stop him from anxiously looking down toward her door every time he left his apartment, or scanning the downstairs lobby or street outside for her.
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